Why do I build?
This is a question i keep coming back to. But if you don't wanna read any further - the short answer is i don't know how to do anything else.
i think it all started when my dad bought home a lego set. i think it was a flight or car or something. i was 4-5 at the time. I painstakingly went through the instructions and built it. i was happy. really happy to see the end result. i built this thing with my bare hands. wow. i didn't dare dismantle it. i didnt know if i could do it again.
i moved on to other sets, i think it was called mechanix - putting together cars and stuff.
the only game i'm decent at is GTA - i started modding GTA SA with all sorts of crazy stuff. loading files and patches, breaking the game uninstalling and reinstalling it. it was fun. I spent countless hours doing this.
Interestingly, I never really learnt to code. i was too impatient, i wanted immediate feedback. i wanted to do stuff with my hands. even though i studied electronics, it only killed my interest in building.
even then i did as much as i could with my limited technical ability - i set up a blog using blogger, then wordpress, then wix, then github pages and now i'm back to bearblog. constantly tinkering.
i think on some level even my writing was born from this frustration. people like me need a team. i can't build alone. but words on a paper are all yours. its all you. i couldn't draw. i couldn't sculpt or saw or actually 'build'. writing was all i had. it's all i have.
even when i was in product marketing i couldn't stop thinking about products. how do they build this. how does the code work? when i see an aeroplane or a fighter jet or a rocket anything magnificinet and man made i wonder how the hell did they build this? a bunch of humans got together and built this.
i remember standing at 'Thanjai periya Kovil' and being in absolute awe of the architecture. a structure built before most technology existed. images don't do justice to the beauty and magnificence.
i was always impatient at my job. constantly thinking of product ideas. constantly thinking what i should build next. there was an angst. following startups that were being funded. learning about what they do. i couldn't help it. it became and still is an all-consuming obsession.
i couldn't listen to the conventional wisdom of specializing in one field. i wanted to see the connections, the dots that connected the different disciplines. the intricate flow of information between them. how did it all come together?
all i have done is follow my curiosity. whether it be writing, design or coding. there is no structure to this. it is pure chaos. i hate myself some days. why can't i just go deep into one field. why just why.
so yes. pretty much, building is all i've known. it's all i can see myself doing. let's see where it takes me.