Reflections
It feels like just yesterday I was writing my reflection of 2023 and already a year has passed by. Life speeding up as you age is no joke. No one prepares you for the pace. Sometimes I used to wonder how people tolerate bad situations for years at a time, it simply doesn’t feel like a few years.
I’m becoming an adulter adult, commitments setting in, people my age getting married left, right and center. Some even having children. Realizing the world doesn’t really care about you and owes you nothing, finding happiness in the little things, a lot of my perspectives have shifted.
Anyhow, in no particular order these are the themes that defined my year:
Graduation
2024 is the year I became a masters graduate. Poetically, an unemployed (or self-employed?) one. However I couldn’t really celebrate this win, there was the nagging uncertainty within — what am I going to do next? Where is life going to take me now? Don’t have a job lined up, don’t have much certainty in a foreign country. I tried my best to feel my win, there were only fleeting moments without worry.
Facing Unemployment
Although I just graduated I can’t help but feel the pressure of being unemployed. You don’t need to take drugs to feel ego death, you just need to be unemployed. With every reach out, every cold email or message and every rejection your ego dies a little. You see the way people talk to you like you are in the ICU or just suffered some major loss, you can feel the voice of pity.
Building
Without making this blog very techish, a major portion of this year was about trying to build a startup or rather a product. I started executing after years of just talking. Managed to get into a community of a select few entrepreneurs at my university, got grant funding of $2500 — it's not much but validation enough for us.
Realised a few brutal truths along the way — Talk is easy, criticising other companies and products is easy but building is hard. Lots of uncertainties. Complete lack of clarity and a never ending to do list. I still don’t know where I’m going with this. You can dream of billion dollar companies but when you don’t have enough money in your bank account, all of those dreams vanish in an instant and jobs on LinkedIn start looking real tempting. If you are self-employed and make $0 you are technically unemployed. Let’s see where 2025 takes me.
Internship
I managed to get a summer internship at one of the top cybersecurity companies in the world. There’s a nagging feeling that I didn’t make the most out of it. Maybe I’m being a bit too harsh on myself because 12 weeks is a very small time frame, it really did fly by. It was also remote, I made a mental note to myself to never take a fully remote job. I have come to realize I’m someone who needs to meet the team at least once in a while. You can’t recreate the serendipitous moments in a remote environment.
Chennai, Chennai, Chennai
2024 is possibly the only year I have spent fully away from Chennai. A little homesick, the beaches, the sound of the waves, chaotic traffic, late night rides in the train. It was my city. I knew the culture. I knew the people. I was a native. No one asked me where I was from. Born and raised, all my life, the only place I have ever known. On some days a heaviness settles on you, a whisper in your ear — “You don’t really belong here” or “You’ll always be an outsider.”
Friendships and personal relationships
I should get a big fat 0 in this domain for 2024. I look back and all I remember is me grinding in my room. Honestly I don’t even know if I have the results to show for that. You look back and think — all that sacrifice for what? I didn’t really attempt to get out of my comfort zone, make new friends etc. I made a little effort here and there but nothing major. Some recent events gave me a rude awakening on the importance of friendships. I shall build better relationships heading into 2025.
I don’t know what the next year holds for me but I know it's going to be a pivotal year in my life.
See you next year, hopefully better.
Fin.