Anxiety in the driver seat
A huge portion of my last few years were driven by anxiety and angst. An angst to always be in motion. Running, speeding towards something. Making stuff happen. Always in motion, like I had no time. Hustle as they’d call it.
There’s never been more uncertainty in my life than now. The world is in turmoil or it seems so from all the news around us. I have no job, my startup is gasping for air, I have lost all drive to build. I’m entering the last few years of my 20s and I am yet to find love. Atleast the last few months I was able to push myself to go through the motions, now I can’t even get to that.
Whenever everything in my life comes to a standstill, the words keep flowing. I don’t know if this is a gift or a curse. I lean towards the latter.
But now when I should be hustling given all the uncertainty around me, my body simply refuses to. I don’t know if I’m just keeping the anxiety at bay or if I have entered a mindspace where I barely care anymore. It is also a good amount of blind faith that I’ll probably be fine whatever happens.
It is also fatigue. Tiredness from all these years of simply running and running. I did all that, but where is the quality to my life? What is life without happiness? Without love? Why sacrifice so much to a goal that is blurry at best?
I remember writing that this year was going to be pivotal in my life. It is definitely turning out to be so.
More to follow as I navigate the stormy seas of my mind.